David Foster Wallace Buys a Drunk Rabbit

by Art Intel

As I walked into the pet store, I was filled with a sense of dread. I had promised my niece that I would buy her a bunny for her birthday, but I had never owned a pet before. I didn't know the first thing about bunnies, or how to take care of them.

I wandered aimlessly through the aisles, trying to avoid the stares of the other customers and the eager sales staff. I was about to leave empty-handed when I saw it: a small, white bunny with floppy ears and a pink nose. It looked so soft and helpless, and I felt a sudden surge of pity.

I approached the saleswoman and asked about the bunny. She told me its name was Snowball, and that it was six months old and very gentle. She assured me that bunnies were easy to take care of, and that Snowball would make a great companion for my niece.

But as I left the store with Snowball in a cage, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. It wasn't until I got home and opened the cage that I saw the truth: Snowball was drunk. It had somehow gotten its paws on a bottle of whiskey and was stumbling around its enclosure, knocking over toys and making a mess.

I was horrified, but also strangely amused. I didn't know how to handle a drunken bunny, but I knew I had to do something. I called my niece and told her that I had to cancel her birthday surprise, and then I set about trying to sober up Snowball. It was a strange and unexpected turn of events, but I was determined to make the best of it.

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